The world today is fast-paced and dynamic. So many of us are constantly on the move, with no time to take a break, relax or just be ourselves. In such a stressful environment, it’s not surprising that numerous studies have found that stress is one of the most common sources of unhappiness among people.
Being stressed isn’t just bad for your health, it can also have a negative impact on your career. When you are stressed, your cortisol levels rise, which has a negative effect on your behavior, concentration, and memory.
I have been working on my relaxation for the last few years. From my past, I remember a constant kind of tension, sometimes huge, sometimes smaller, but the stress was always there. For the first time, I really felt relaxed when I went to Stromboli 8 years ago, for F*ck it retreats. This year I decided to come back there. I don’t believe that we can be always totally relaxed in life. There are better and worse moments. But we can try to prepare for these more difficult situations.
In this article, I want to share the strategies for relaxing that work best for me.
Observing
All stress starts in our heads. How we see reality is a matter of our perception. A meeting for one person can feel like a life-threatening danger, causing sweating and huge stress. Whereas, for someone else, the same meeting can be indifferent, or boring. My friend used to say ‘Attitude is everything’. Of course, we cannot predict each situation. But we always are in control of how we respond. Many of us think that we are our emotions. But there is another way. You can just observe them. You can imagine that you climbed a mountain, looked down and saw all of your emotions. Without labeling them, calling them good or bad. And remember that they are not you. They are just there. When you realize that you are ‘more’, it can really relax you.
Mindfulness & Body Scan
There is no stress in being here and now. It happens seldom that we face a life-threatening situation. One of the most effective ways is to get out of your head. Focus on your senses. You can close your eyes. Focus on what you hear. Every single sound. On what you smell. What you can touch. When you open your eyes, see everything around you as it is, without giving names.
You can focus on your body and start ‘scanning it’. Move your attention to your feet. Relax them. Focus on your knees. Your belly, chest, neck shoulders. We keep so much stress on our shoulders. Relax them, let them drop. Relax the muscles on your face. It takes much practice but being present can bring many benefits to your life.
Affirmations
Affirmations can be very powerful. When you know that you are not your emotions, you can talk to yourself differently. You can choose some affirmations that resonate with you. My favorite ones are: ‘It’s ok’ and ‘I can relax’. Assuring yourself that everything is all right might make you feel calmer. Giving yourself permission to relax (not pushing that you must relax now!) can really help you to be less tense.
Make a plan
This is something I discovered by myself. And it works very well for me. Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I don’t know where to start, it all seems just too much. And I cannot expect my emotions to calm down – they are there to help me to keep deadlines and handle it all. Being overwhelmed might be a result of not having a good plan. You don’t know what you should focus on. Your energy goes in so many directions. You all the time do something and feel like doing nothing because nothing important is completed. Making a plan can be very helpful. You can decide what to focus on now, and what to do later. And yes, I love planning! I will write more about it in another article.
Breathing
You will probably read about breathing in every ‘how to relax’ guideline. However, do not underestimate it. It’s commonly known that you can change your breathing with your state, but we often forget that breathing can change the whole physiology of our body. And yes, just breathing deeply can work. It will slow down your heart and help you to relax a bit more. You can also use some ways of breathing, to also keep your thoughts busy. One of my favorite techniques is: Breath in for 4 seconds and breath out for 6.
Honest conversation
It might sound cheesy (ofc, vegan-cheesy ;p) but it’s worth giving a thought.
Sometimes you might get so stressed. Your hands might be shaking. You might feel even worse because your reason for stress seems so trivial. And you even don’t know why you are overreacting. You might stop for a moment and have an honest conversation with yourself. Gosh, what is it really about? Why does giving a presentation in front of my colleagues feel like my life depends on it? I can tell you, there is usually a hidden, very important truth about yourself. You might be scared to be criticized. You might be a perfectionist and making even a small mistake makes you feel bad. It’s important to be aware of what your stress is really about. Then, you can start working with the real cause.
There are many ways to relax, from just breathing to planning your next actions. I enumerated only a couple of strategies, but there are so many more. Also, the truth might be that you are just exhausted and you need to sleep. Or you forgot again to eat your lunch. Not only listening to yourself but really talking to yourself might be your clue to relax deeply. Remember to look for what’s working best for you. I will be happy to be with you on your journey to relaxation and self-discoveries!